Candy Apple Butterscotch: A Memoir
“I was running. Fast and furious through a forest full of cotton candy pink pine trees. Running from what? I still wasn’t certain. Something in my mind was buzzing. The only thing I could think was to run. I heard a faint voice screaming in the distance, and a crash of glass falling to the floor. Suddenly I was rocketed out of my dream to the realization that the screams and glass I heard weren’t a product of my imagination, but my boyfriend flailing in a night terror.
Before I could get out of the way, he swung wildly in my direction and connected with my chest. I gasped for breath, instantly aware of the room, and the man deeply entrenched in a subconscious flash back fighting for his life. I scrambled to escape his reach but before I could, he grabbed my arm and pinned me down, wrapping his hands tightly around my throat. A fire in his eyes that could be felt as well as seen in the dim light. I threw all of my strength into fighting for my life. I clawed at his hands, and my knee came up and connected with his chest hard knocking the wind out of him. Momentarily his grip tightened before he snapped out of his subconscious, and released me.
I rolled away from him as fast as I could. In my haste, I fell from the bed coughing and gagging as I hit the floor. I lay there for a moment, catching my breath and waiting for him to settle back into sleep. When I heard the soft heavy breathing settle into a normal rhythmic pattern I pulled myself up off the floor and stumbled out of the bedroom into the bathroom. I stared in the mirror, examining my neck for bruises tears welling up in my eyes. I wasn’t afraid of the man I loved, but I was scared and concerned for him. He never remembered his night terrors and I couldn’t hold it against him. Still, part of me was wondering why I stayed with him. The scared teen girl who had inadvertently fallen for this battered, bruised, crazy, beautiful, intelligent, mysterious, captivating, and troubled man. I stood there staring blankly a few more moments before sleep returned to my eyes and I headed back to bed.
I climbed back under the covers, snuggled up to the now calmly sleeping man beside me and quietly whispered: “I’m still here. I love you.”
He only moaned in reply, rolled from his stomach to his back, and softly began to snore. I shuffled away from him and turned my back as I wept softly into my pillow before settling back into sleep myself. It wasn’t the first time I’d cried myself to sleep in his bed, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s go back and start at the beginning, shall we?”
We meet Rebecca at the tender age of eight as she is exposed to the dark side of humanity for the very first time during the height of the late 90's drug epidemic. The impact of which left her reeling many years later. Especially so when she entered the world of dating and met a man who seemed to be a ghost from her past.
Follow along as Rebecca discovers her resilience after a haunting, abusive past. She not only survives but thrives with an insurmountable sense of optimism, tenacity, and hope.